Warning.

This is a public service announcement regarding appropriate diaper use.

When allowing your small child to play in water it is advisable to put them in a swim diaper.

A lack of swim diapering may result in the following:

Heh heh heh…

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More Mad Gabs…

As I perused the shoe aisles in Target this morning, I was heckled, to the great entertainment of all of the other customers.

First, I must have wandered too far from my cart, because I was summoned with “Mom come! Mooom come!”. Yes, like a dog.

Then, as I reached for a pair of shoes, my little hall monitor exclaimed “Mom! Dohn tuss it! Dose all dee-dee!” (Mom, don’t touch it! Those are all dirty!). In a show of complete defiance, I grabbed the sandals anyway.

Payne’s response?

“Eeeeeeew!”

Happy Easter!

Our day started out bright and early at church, where Payne did fairly well. At one point he was standing in the pew behind Dan alternately “fluffing” the back of Dan’s hair and scratching his head, much to the amusement of the older lady sitting next to me. Dan did have to take Payne to the back once for a little “You can’t throw a fit simply because Mommy can’t hold both you and Nugget for 90 minutes straight” talk. I do feel bad for the kid, but my hips have pretty much been completely eclipsed by stomach, and I need a little bit of shelf to set a squirming extra 30 pounds of little boy!

After church we went back home and my completely wonderful husband made us brunch. Then we staged a little egg hunt for Payne in the back yard. I’ve gotta say, the boy has his priorities straight. The little plastic eggs were immediately discovered to contain candy. Payne adjusted his game plan. He would pick up the egg, pop it open while crouching over his Easter basket and pour the candy in. The plastic egg would then be flung off to the side or handed to the nearest adult to be dealt with.

Naturally, this 15 minute event had to be recorded with about 100 photos.


“Wait, there’s CANDY in these!”


“Get that camera out of my face Dad. There’s candy to be had.”


Uh, Sumo stance egg cracking?


“The Easter bunny was in my playhouse!”


A boy and his loot.

He spent the rest of the time before his nap eating jelly beans and watching kung fu. What else could a little boy ask for?

My kid’s sunglasses are cooler than mine.

I mean really, the shape, the amount of reflection, the oh so cool expression of the wearer…I’ve been soundly beaten on all levels.

The other day was “I must wear my shades like Mommy” day. When mine were on, his were on. When mine were on top of my head, his were perched precariously on top of his (for some reason toddler size sunglasses aren’t designed to fit over a head big enough for a 4 yr old. Hmm…). If they fell off there was a 5 alarm melt down until Payne’s beloved “White-neen Queen gasses” (Lightning McQueen glasses) were restored to their original position.

I get the distinct impression that it’s good to be Payne.

My life is one giant Mad Gab.

Payne in the car this morning: (Picks up spatula, puts it to his ear)

“Heh-whoa? Hi! How doo-ein?! Yah. I see gnee gnee. Big cuhks. I go gack, see Ed-doh and Deh-wah. Ok. Bye!”

Translation: (Payne picks up cell phone and presses the talk button)

“Hello? Oh hi! How are you doing this morning? Great, good to know! I’m on my way to my Grandmother’s house. We just passed by some construction. When I go home this evening I’m going to hang out with my two miniature dachshunds Stella and Ethel. Cool. I’ll talk to you later. Bye!”

When I was done laughing (and driving) I snapped a quick picture of the chatter box and his ispatula.

p.s. The spell check on this post was epic.

Dee-dis.

This is how Payne says “Jesus”.

We’ve tried to incorporate the little bit of religious instruction possible for a two year old into visits at church, prayers before meal time, etc…

It’s paid off in a few ways:

a)He points and yells “Dee-dis!” at the crucifix in church. Rewarding, but a little embarrassing.

b)He genuflects (bows down on one knee) at the edge of the church pew. It’s hilariously cute, even when he does it not quite aimed at the altar.

c)He calls the crucifix I wear “Mommy Dee-dis neck-uss”.

d)I recently learned that my Mom sings “Jesus Loves Me” to him often, and he requests “Dee-dis” from her routinely. Awww…

I’m encouraged by our little successes, but his way of saying Jesus always makes me internally snicker, because it sounds like he’s saying “Cheese-its” to me. I’m evil.

Privelidge.

– One pajama top
– One diaper
– One quilt
– One Piggy (currently being smothered somewhere under the quilt)
– Two pillows for back support
– One sippy cup of milk
– Two dinosaur shaped pumpkin muffins
– One book to peruse during commercial breaks in Super Why

…which all add up to one satisfied little boy during his first daily hour of consciousness.