Ladies and Gentlemen,

I have a glass licker.

I’d honestly hoped that this behavior was a fluke…that had “fluked” several times. Today, at incidence number four-ish I had to admit that my kid enjoys licking glass in public places.

Let me set the stage for this little story. Chick Fil A (i.e. Mecca of stay at home moms) has an indoor play area that is completely closed in. This includes one glass wall intended to allow parents to supervise play. It’s not unlike a little kid ant farm. There are booths lined up along this glass wall on the outside, and usually a bench or two lined up along it within the play area. This allows children to climb up on the benches and be eye level with those dining in the booths, with only a pane of glass between them. It’s like the chimp viewing area at the zoo, with shockingly similar behavior to be observed.

My beloved son enjoys climbing up on a bench, making eye contact with those seated at the opposing booth, and repeatedly licking the glass. He will continue to lick until I notice and he is dragged off of the bench, leaving a drool trail in his wake. Payne is a charmer, let me tell you. I wish I had a photo, but I haven’t taken the time to preserve this joyous little moment for obvious reasons.

Now, the really entertaining part in all of this is the vast range of reactions he receives. When a pair of stay at home mothers in the middle of an animated conversation were the recipients of this little visual treat, they glanced over, barely smirked, and continued as if nothing were out of the ordinary. I fell in love with them just a little bit for this. On the opposite end of the spectrum was the woman who gasped and promptly adopted a look of such disgust that I was sure she was about to vomit into her fry carton. Today we simply received hysterical laughter, for which I was grateful.

Let’s add “If you lick the glass again, we’re going home.” to the list of things I never though I’d utter aloud, right alongside “We do not blow our nose at people”.

I’m assuming cocktails are frowned upon at 2 p.m.?


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