I mean, I know they learn at a rate my brain is no longer capable of and they outsmart me on the regular, but man, they can be pretty dense at times.
– On Wednesday, I gave them a sequence of events for the day. We were going to the gym, then splash pad, then Colton’s house. We talked about this for AN HOUR.
In the car:
Payne: “Are we going to Colton’s house?!”
Me: “No. The gym first and then the splash pad and then Colton’s house.”
Payne: “Oh right, the splash pad first. Wait. No….”
G: “We going to Colton’s house!”
Me: “No. The gym, then the splash pad, then Colton’s house.”
G: “Ohhhhh. We going the splash pad then the GYM!”
Payne: “No Genevieve, we’re going to the gym and THEN Colton’s…..wait….”
G: “Colton’s house and then the SPLASH PAD!”
(Rachel slams her head into the steering wheel repeatedly)
– I spend all periods of loading and unloading them into and out of the car trying to protect their skulls. They walk into opening and closing doors and hatches continuously. When they manage to evade my protective measures and run into the edge of a door, they look at ME like I am personally responsible for their injury.
When we got to the gym I pushed their heads back while I closed their doors. Then pushed them back again while the back hatch opened. They MUST crowd in after the hatch opens, so I had to bodily force them away when I closed it. They took that opportunity to attempt to wander into traffic. I stopped them.
THEN as I held both their hands and walked them slowly through a very small parking lot, Genevieve ran face first, full stop, into the rear view mirror of a parked car.
I can’t work with that.
– Yesterday I was cleaning toilets with one of those little disposable sponges that clicks onto a reusable plastic wand thing.
Fascinating! I had an audience, of course.
I popped the sponge off into the garbage, set the wand down on the floor, and turned around to continue cleaning.
Genevieve GRABBED IT BY THE TOILET WATER COVERED END. When I yelled, she hastily dropped it and WIPED HER HAND DOWN HER FRONT.
I’m fighting natural selection hard here, guys. It’s possible I’m losing.
(P.S. While I wrote this post, G crawled up into the recliner and tried to sit back onto the side with no back. I caught her. It seems relevant that she was wearing nothing but Frozen themed panties at the time.)